Couples therapy can greatly improve the way in which a couples function in their day to day life. However there are times when counseling will not help. This is to help you save the money and not waste your time or your partner’s time.
The couple has waited too long.
On average a couple waits 6 years before they seek help. Couples tend to wait so long that one or both partners are so hurt that they are not willing to put work into the relationships. If you or your partner have already decided that you do not want to salvage this relationship do not go to counseling for bringing the relationship back together.
Ongoing Affairs that a person is not willing to stop.
If one or both parties is having a current affair and is not willing to give up the relationship with the other person. If your partner is having an affair and you want to salvage the relationship but they do not want to leave their lover this will not improve. This is not to say a relationship cannot heal after an affair. It most certainly can and being a stronger union in the end however the focus must be on rebuilding the relationship and trust.
One partner is not wanting to go to counseling
If you or your partner does not want therapy or is not willing to engage in therapy, therapy cannot work. Therapy is a collaborative effort that all parties must engage in and be willing to change their behaviors in order to see full results. Also if one partner does not like the counselor that is chosen it will not be affective.
One or both partners are in active addiction
If you or your partner or both are in active addiction the focus of fixing the relationship is not affective. When someone is in active addiction they are having an affair with their substance of choice and until they give up the substance and are in recovery the focus of therapy needs to address the more pressing and dangerous aspect of the mental health of the individual.
You want to use the therapist as a partner to beat up on your partner.
Sometimes a person may ask their partner to go to couples counseling so they can play the victim and have the therapist to agree with them. If you are choosing to go to couples counseling just to attempt to prove you are right please do not go. You may find the therapist telling you, you are wrong and that you need to change. You are probably not ready for changing if this is your motivation.
If none of these are true for you or your partner and you are ready for collaboration, forgiveness and growth couples counseling maybe for you.